Lost to self and other in a world of unseen things: Reflections on Winnicott’s concept of the mirror role in working with narcissistic couples

This short article offers some reflections on Winnicott’s concept of the mirror role in working with narcissistic couples. Orienting to a deep wish/need to be seen that is rooted in the earliest experiences of m/other and baby, the author explores the challenges in working with narcissistic couples for whom mirrors are both puzzling and yet desperately longed for. While members of narcissistic couples may look, they cannot see themselves or the other. In this way, they are truly lost to themselves and the other in a world of unseen things. Employing an ontological lens, it is suggested that analytic couple work has the potential to unlock an experience of coming into being within the couple’s relationship.