Decoding love signs: The role of perceived relational red flags in mate selection criteria among Filipino young adults

Abuse and infidelity are common relational conflicts in the Philippines. The prevalence of this growing social problem among Filipinos has also been observed in their calls regarding these warning signs in a romantic partner. Hence, this study explores how these issues influence young adults’ mate preferences by examining their lived romantic experiences. Utilizing criterion purposive sampling, ten diverse stories of heterosexuals were evaluated through semi-structured in-depth interviews and interpretative phenomenological analysis to understand the complexity of experiential meanings of participants who have had long-term relationships with their previous ex-lovers and are currently engaged in committed relationships. Participants denoted relational red flags encompassing emotional distance, deception, emotional labor, destruction, and emotional manipulation. These turbulent behavioral patterns deliberately cause the deterioration of their previous relationship while they consider the dimensions of warmth, competence, and attractiveness when choosing an ideal mate. These preferences mentioned are similar to the desirable qualities of their current partners. Findings also assert that relational red flags were perceived as the diametric bases for mate selection, non-negotiable deal breakers, and a lesson to captivate dealmakers. Considering the rising numbers of reported domestic violence victims, including psychological abuse in relationships, this research has compelling implications for Gender and Development and Anti-Violence Against Women. Further, it is also pertinent to counseling psychology practices, especially in the current status and emerging development of Couples Therapy, which primarily handles relationship issues during the pre-marital stage.