“It’ll be All Right, Everybody Has Children”: Regretting Motherhood in Iceland

Social expectations of women as mothers significantly impact the reproductive decision-making process for those who have the potential for childbirth. This article focuses on women in Iceland who regret motherhood. It aims to understand how regretting motherhood is experienced and the consequences of living with a socially unacceptable emotion. Based on the results of in-depth interviews taken with sixteen heterosexual ciswomen who regret becoming mothers, we employ reflexive thematic analysis to explore the social and personal factors that promote motherhood and how they manage their regret. The results suggest that despite the intention of the participants not to become mothers, pro-natalist ideals, social assumptions, and expectations of women as mothers wield a powerful hold over the ability to reject the role. Many participants grapple with the expectation that all women want to become mothers, familial expectations, and the assumption that mothering is an inherently emotionally fulfilling undertaking. The findings also suggest that the discourse of maternal regret can be understood as a resistance to normative cultural motherhood expectations and intensive motherhood narratives.